3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize