Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He did a backflip because drugs
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
