ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Randomize