what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
