and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
