tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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