I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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