i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
