Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
