So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
