cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
