these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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