the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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