I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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