We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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