i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
