the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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