my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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