I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
