okay pat passed out under dana's car
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
