how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
