why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
