I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
