god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Congratulations! We have a period
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize