hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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