Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
