I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
