The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
