the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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