i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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