what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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