Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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