He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
