actually, I'm a sock model
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
