now i know why i became what i already was.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
