I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
