What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
