Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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