don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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