end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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