I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I DEMAND FORESKIN
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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