I think scott just propositioned me for sex
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
