is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
