We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
