Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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