I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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