I'm really into asian looking animals
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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