Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize