Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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