If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
