am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
