she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize