I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Randomize
