I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
