I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
