SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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