I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
