Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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