just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize