I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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