I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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