I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
