Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
