She is in my trunk
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
