Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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