Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
