what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
