I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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