How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
