After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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