Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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