Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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