is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
