he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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